It hard to have a conversation these days. Everyone is so distracted.

如今的社會(huì)想要安心交談很難。大家都思想不集中。

Interruptions, multi-tasking, and technology distract us from having even the simplest of conversations. How do you ensure that you are present when you are having a conversation?

各種干擾、同時(shí)處理多項(xiàng)任務(wù)和一些科技產(chǎn)品讓我們不能安心交談，甚至最簡(jiǎn)短的交談也不例外。你怎么能保證交談時(shí)心無旁騖?

I once worked for a boss that wasn’t a good listener. One day, I was in his office for a one-on-one meeting. Before the meeting even got started his phone rang, and he proceeded to talk to a friend for 10 minutes while I sat there. A few minutes into the meeting his was reading incoming emails on his computer screen. Then, a couple of minutes later a colleague appeared in the doorway. Instead of saying he was busy, he proceeded to discuss his weekend adventures.

我以前的一個(gè)老板就不是一個(gè)善于傾聽的人。有一天，我在他辦公室與他一對(duì)一交談。在交談開始前他的電話就響了，他跟朋友一直聊了10分鐘，而我坐在那兒等。交談開始后的幾分鐘里，他一直盯著電腦屏幕，閱讀接收到的郵件。又過了幾分鐘 一位同事出現(xiàn)在門口。他沒有說他在忙，而是轉(zhuǎn)入關(guān)于周末探險(xiǎn)的討論。

How would this situation make you feel? “Don’t let the phone, interruptions, or other work take precedence over the person sitting front of you.”

這讓你產(chǎn)生什么感覺?“別讓電話、其他人或其他工作優(yōu)先于坐在你面前的這個(gè)人。”

Of course, I didn’t feel like sharing anything else. How could I compete with all those other interruptions. It felt like anything I was saying was third-rate.

我當(dāng)然不愿意在與他分享其他事情。任何干擾都可以打斷交談!這讓我有種感覺，我說得任何事情都不值一提。

When someone is speaking with you, they want to be heard. Make sure you give them your full attention. Here are 10 Ways to “Be Present” and be a better Listener:

當(dāng)有人跟你說話時(shí)，他們希望你傾聽，一定要給予他們你全部的注意力。10種方式教你“不缺席”，做一個(gè)更好的傾聽者。

1. Body Language

肢體語言

Don’t underestimate the power of body language. What you do with your body while you are in a conversation says much more than any words. As much as 80% of what we convey in a conversation is non-verbal. Face the other person. Present an open posture. A little body language goes a long way.

千萬不要低估肢體語言的威力。交談時(shí)，肢體動(dòng)作透露出的信息遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)勝過你的話語。交談中，高達(dá)80%的信息傳遞是非語言的。正視對(duì)方，擺出開誠(chéng)布公的姿態(tài)，一點(diǎn)細(xì)微的肢體語言都影響深遠(yuǎn)。

2. Listen

傾聽

Listen, plain and simple. Nothing stops a conversation colder than, “Could you repeat that?” Listen like you were going to have to repeat back to them what they have told you.

傾聽，就這么簡(jiǎn)單。“你再說一遍好嗎?”這樣的分神會(huì)令說話者最受傷。傾聽，好像你將不得不把他們所說的話再?gòu)?fù)述給他們一樣。

3. Acknowledge

認(rèn)同

We need signs that we are being heard. Conversation cues and acknowledgements are part of how we communicate. If you doubt this, the next time you are on a phone call simply stop making any noise while the other person is speaking. Within a few moments the other person will stop and ask, “Are you still there?”

我們需要被聽到的反饋。話題脈絡(luò)和對(duì)談話內(nèi)容的認(rèn)同，是我們交流的組成部分。如果你不相信，下次你打電話時(shí)，對(duì)方說話，你保持悄無聲息。很快，對(duì)方將會(huì)停下來，問：“你還在嗎?”

4. Don’t Sit Across the Desk

不要隔桌而坐

Sitting across the desk puts a barrier between you and who you are meeting with. Come out from behind your desk and meet. A small meeting table is always better than the “wall” that a desk presents.

隔桌而坐，這張辦公桌會(huì)成為你和對(duì)方溝通的阻礙。從辦公桌后走出來，靠近對(duì)方。小型會(huì)議桌總是好過辦公桌這堵“墻”。

5. Make Them Your Top Priority

把他們放在首位

When you are listening to someone, don’t take calls or let someone else who walks up take precedence over the current conversation. When you are with someone, make them priority.

當(dāng)你傾聽某人時(shí)，不要接電話，也不要讓走過前來的其他人打斷你們的交談。當(dāng)你和某人在一起時(shí)，請(qǐng)重視他們。

6. Repeat, Don’t Refute

重復(fù)，不要反駁

When someone is telling you their story, they aren’t looking for you to interrupt with analysis or suggestions. Hear them out. Repeat back to them what you heard. You can put on your “fix it” hat later. (Only if asked!)

當(dāng)有人向你講述他們的故事時(shí)，他們不希望你打斷他，作分析、提建議。聽他們說完，重復(fù)你聽到的內(nèi)容，最后你可以作補(bǔ)充(只是在對(duì)方要求你的情況下)。

7. Don’t Do Other Work

放下其他工作

In our busy technology driven world, it is tempting to send off that quick text or answer that email. Don’t. People can tell when you are doing something else. You may think it is a brief task, but it tells the other person that you have more important work to do. This is not the time to multi-task.

在如今這個(gè)被科技所驅(qū)使的忙碌世界里，發(fā)一條短信回復(fù)一封郵件很誘人。不要這樣做，人們能感覺到你在忙別的事情。你可能認(rèn)為，這是長(zhǎng)話短說的事情，但其他人會(huì)理解為有更重要的工作在等你。這不是多項(xiàng)工作一起做的時(shí)候。

8. Put the Cell Phone Down

放下手機(jī)

We give our phones too much control over us. We jump any time they ring, beep, or buzz. So, silence your phone. Turn it off or put it in a drawer. Better yet, “Stop having an affair with your smartphone.”

手機(jī)牽著我們的鼻子走，手機(jī)一響，不論嘟嘟還是嗡嗡，我們都會(huì)一躍而起。所以讓手機(jī)安靜一會(huì)兒，關(guān)掉它或把它丟進(jìn)抽屜里。最好“不要與你的智能手機(jī)扯不清理還亂”。

9. Question

提問

Ask questions to show that you care and that you are in the conversation. Don’t go into interrogation mode. Ask interest questions like, “What happened next?” or “How did you feel then?”

問問題表示，你關(guān)心談話的內(nèi)容，而且你的思想就在交談中。不要誤入審問模式。問表示關(guān)心的問題，如：“接下來呢?”或“你當(dāng)時(shí)什么感覺?”

10. Thank Them

表示感謝

After a conversation, say “Thank you for talking to me.” You don’t have to provide an answer or magical solution. Often, the other person just wants to be heard and acknowledged. Be there for them and just listen.

交談結(jié)束后，說“謝謝你與我交談”。你不必提供答案或奇妙的解決方案。對(duì)方常常只希望被傾聽被認(rèn)同，在他們身邊僅僅傾聽就夠了。

When you are speaking with someone, be in the moment. Give them your full attention. Don’t let interruptions stop the conversation. Be present. Turn off the tech. And just listen. You may just make the other person feel like your top priority.

和某人交談時(shí)，要排除干擾。給他們你全部的注意力，不要讓干擾中斷交談。不分心，關(guān)掉高科技產(chǎn)品，靜心傾聽。你會(huì)讓對(duì)方感覺到你最重視他。