Have you ever witnessed somebody who is so confident and fluent in conversations that it’s actually really impressive? How do they do it?

你是否遇過(guò)自信滿(mǎn)滿(mǎn)、談笑風(fēng)生的社交達(dá)人，給人印象尤為深刻?他們是怎么做到的呢?

We all know people who are beloved by everyone and seem able to make friends wherever they go. Some regard them with admiration tinged with a bit of envy, then shrug their shoulders and figure those people are just born with that special “something”. It might be surprising to learn that being popular is a skill that can be learned like any other.

我們都遇到過(guò)人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)的家伙，他們到哪兒似乎都能交上朋友。有人對(duì)他們既羨慕又嫉妒，最后聳聳肩覺(jué)得他們或許天生就有“萬(wàn)人迷”的本領(lǐng)。其實(shí)，“人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)”也是一種可以學(xué)習(xí)的技能哦!

Just as you wouldn’t expect to wake up one morning knowing how to play the piano, the key to success in making friends is setting goals and developing a game plan. Use these seven tips as the framework on which you build your skill set.

就像你不可能一覺(jué)醒來(lái)就變成鋼琴高手一樣，交朋友也需要設(shè)定目標(biāo)、循序漸進(jìn)。請(qǐng)參考以下7個(gè)貼士，訓(xùn)練自己成為社交達(dá)人吧!

1. Be interested, not interesting

關(guān)注他人，而非以自我為中心

A widespread misconception is that popular people are the ones talking about their latest promotion or exciting vacation they took or wild party they attended. Hearing the occasional interesting story is fine, but most people become bored or resentful listening to these blow-by-blow accounts. It’s far more effective to take a genuine interest in the lives of others and get them talking about themselves. And remember that no word sounds as magical as one’s own name. Addressing people by name makes them feel special.

常見(jiàn)的錯(cuò)誤想法是：受歡迎的人總在談?wù)撟约鹤钚律?、快?lè)假期或熱辣派對(duì)。偶爾聽(tīng)聽(tīng)有趣故事也還不錯(cuò)，但若一直聽(tīng)別人呱啦炫耀，多數(shù)人會(huì)感到厭煩抵觸。更有效的辦法是：真正對(duì)他人生活感興趣，多讓別人開(kāi)口講話(huà)。而且請(qǐng)記?。菏郎献蠲篮玫脑~就是自己的名字。所以，常稱(chēng)呼他人姓名，讓他們覺(jué)得自己特別。

2. Be positive – but not too positive

積極樂(lè)觀(guān)，但也別做過(guò)頭

Think about people you’ve known who expect the worst from everyone and everything and aren’t shy about speaking up. Not much fun to be around, are they? This doesn’t mean you have to be constantly spreading false rays of sunshine. That’s nearly as annoying as eternal pessimism. Have a clear-eyed and honest attitude and people will come to value your opinions as trustworthy.

想想身邊那些口無(wú)遮攔的家伙，總是掃人興攪渾局，真沒(méi)趣，是吧?你無(wú)須總是假裝給點(diǎn)陽(yáng)光就燦爛，這種做法和無(wú)休止的悲觀(guān)一樣惹人厭煩。保持鎮(zhèn)定誠(chéng)懇，別人自然會(huì)信賴(lài)你。

3. Be charitable to others

善待他人

Gossiping about friends and co-workers may gain you an audience, but it’s superficial and temporary. Those who indulge their pettier instincts trashing others aren’t the ones you want in your circle. Eventually even those people will realize that you’re just as likely to be talking about them in the same way and they’ll steer clear. It also translates as weakness and insecurity, trying to build yourself up by tearing others down. Take the high road and you’ll be seen as fair-minded.

背后議論朋友和同事雖能贏(yíng)得同盟，但卻非常膚淺短暫。相信你也不喜歡和愛(ài)八卦的人做朋友。最后這些人甚至?xí)l(fā)現(xiàn)，他們自己也會(huì)這樣被人八卦，只好灰溜溜避開(kāi)。八卦其實(shí)是一種軟弱和不安的表現(xiàn)，八卦的人試圖通過(guò)詆毀他人來(lái)膨脹自己。正直做人，別人會(huì)認(rèn)為你比較公正。

4. Be helpful and dependable

幫助他人，值得信賴(lài)

If someone you know needs assistance that you’re able to provide with a minimum of inconvenience, offer it. The key term here is “minimum of inconvenience”. Doing favors for others that involve more time and trouble than they would for the person themselves comes across as desperation. Giving aid when you’re truly in a position to do so communicates a sincere interest in the welfare of others. As a side note, be sure to follow up on any commitments you make. The damage to your reputation is doubly harsh if people can’t count on your word.

如果身邊有人向你求助，而你又確實(shí)方便幫忙，那就幫吧。當(dāng)然，前提是這沒(méi)有給你造成“一丁點(diǎn)不便”。同樣的困境，幫助他人要耗費(fèi)更多時(shí)間和精力。若你真的方便幫忙，對(duì)他人而言，那就是誠(chéng)摯的關(guān)懷。另外，幫完后別忘了關(guān)注后續(xù)進(jìn)展。要是沒(méi)能幫成，那你的名譽(yù)可就岌岌可危了。

5. Be a “matchmaker”

做“媒人”

If you’re heading to the movies with a friend, invite another film-loving pal to come along. Love sports?Assemble a group to attend the big game. Spearhead gatherings at your home or a fun venue such as a wine bar, inviting at least a few people who are new to the group. Keeping your social network interconnected has a circular effect where you’re perceived as having many friends, thereby gaining you even more. Don’t forget your manners during impromptu meetings, either. When out with a friend, many people make the mistake of failing to introduce them to others they may encounter. By doing so you run the risk of coming off as socially inept at best and rude or uncaring at worst.

跟朋友去看電影時(shí)，順便叫上其他愛(ài)看電影的朋友。喜歡運(yùn)動(dòng)?那就叫上一幫人組織一場(chǎng)比賽吧。主動(dòng)請(qǐng)人來(lái)家里小聚，或去酒吧找找樂(lè)子，每次在圈子里介紹幾個(gè)新人。保持自己的社交圈活絡(luò)具有循環(huán)效應(yīng)：別人會(huì)認(rèn)為你有很多朋友，結(jié)果你也確實(shí)交上越來(lái)越多的朋友。當(dāng)然，重要聚會(huì)上一定要舉止得體。和朋友外出時(shí)，很多人都會(huì)犯錯(cuò)，不把朋友介紹給遇到的人，結(jié)果情況好的話(huà)，會(huì)被人看作“社交無(wú)能”，刻薄點(diǎn)的話(huà)，會(huì)被認(rèn)為“粗魯無(wú)禮”。

6. Be your (best) self

做(最好的)自己

Yes, it’s a cliche you’ve heard a million and one times, but ideas become cliches by standing the test of time. Insincerity is a huge turn-off and no matter how great of an actor you are, the pretense will catch up with you. The most attractive people, both physically and mentally, are the ones who are clearly comfortable in their own skin. Accepting and embracing your own unique qualities radiates a healthy confidence that’s magnetic to others.

沒(méi)錯(cuò)，這已是說(shuō)過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次的陳詞濫調(diào)了，但別忘了：陳詞濫調(diào)好歹也經(jīng)得起時(shí)間考驗(yàn)。虛偽非常惹人討厭，而且不管你裝得多么像模像樣，總有一天會(huì)被拆穿。外貌和心靈上最有魅力的人，往往都是堅(jiān)持自我的人。接受并擁抱自己獨(dú)特的個(gè)性也說(shuō)明你很自信，而自信總能吸引他人。

7. Be self-aware

有自知之明

Periodically step outside yourself to evaluate how you come across to others. Don’t mistake this for being overly concerned with their opinions of you. Taking stock of the image you project shows a healthy respect for yourself as well as for them. Another factor to consider is your body language. You may not even realize that you’re wearing a perpetual frown or creating a stand-offish posture with crossed arms and lack of eye contact. It’s a simple concept, but it can make a big difference with how comfortable people feel around you.

常從局外人角度反省自己和他人的關(guān)系。這并不表示你太介意他人對(duì)你的看法。反省自己的形象說(shuō)明你尊重自己和他人。另外，你還應(yīng)注意自己的肢體語(yǔ)言?；蛟S你一直沒(méi)發(fā)現(xiàn)，自己常常皺著眉頭、胳膊交叉抱胸、少有眼神接觸。肢體語(yǔ)言并不難懂，卻很能影響他人對(duì)你的感覺(jué)。

As you work on developing your social skills, keep in mind that these tips center around the saying, “To have a friend, be a friend.” If you let that advice guide your actions, you’ll develop that charisma that makes people want to be around you while also staying true to your own values and principles.

當(dāng)你努力培養(yǎng)社交技能時(shí)，請(qǐng)記住：這些建議都是為了“交朋友”。如果你聽(tīng)從建議并采取行動(dòng)，不僅能擁有人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)的魅力，還能同時(shí)保持自己的價(jià)值和原則。